I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
