What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
