then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
