Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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