I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I need water and some morals
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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