im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
