so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
