just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize