I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
