I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
