He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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