they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
