I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
