no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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