I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
