i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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