Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
