my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
