i think my mom watched the whole time
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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