my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
