i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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