i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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