Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
