Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
