I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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