Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
