i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
