I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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