I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
