It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
