I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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