also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
