so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
