You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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