my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
