Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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