She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
