Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
