I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
