Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
