I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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