I could make wine with my vomit
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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