The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
