I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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