u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Floor bacon is actually really good
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
