So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I need a burrito and a hug.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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