i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The Olympian is in my bed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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