I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
