you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she looked like the before picture.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The air was thick with penises
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
