You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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