Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
