Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize