I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
