I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
