we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
