Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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