her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i think my cat just said my name.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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