So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
