Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
