3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
