WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You pole danced in your parka.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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