she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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