I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
