I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
