I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
