All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize