There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
