I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
