yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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