why didn't you poke me back
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
