I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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