That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
