Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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