you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
