Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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