It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
