This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this just has baby written all over it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
