We're like a lot better than the average bears
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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