She said her name was "party"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
