Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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