Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
