I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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