life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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