honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
