So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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