Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
