And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
