I faked an abortion last night.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
