Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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