I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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