you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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