if i can run in heels then i can drive
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
