Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
