i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
