please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just found puke in my bra..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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