Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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