he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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