Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize