Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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