no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish i was in the wii world.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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