I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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