I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
