im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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