doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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