it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
