I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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