so explain again why im purple
no
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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