peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
