My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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