dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
