i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
