I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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