just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
