I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
