so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
