I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
