capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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